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super busy ugh

hey guiz. I've been super busy. The rest of this school year things will only accelerate. Well I got what I wanted. I aint gonna  be bored. No, no. I probably will still feel lonely. If I even have time for that.

So yea, I need to raise my Chemistry grade !!! (#1) and of course get good grades in all my classes. But me and Chemistry are going trough a rough patch. We'll get out of this together ~ <3 ~ <3 ~
I also want to do well in this art school introduction course (rietveld inleiding) (#2). I take this very seriously. I need a good foundation for my career as une artistee. It's 3x a week (3 hours). Pretty draining. But it's fun! And the people are great. Esp Derrick and Keshba and Nayla and Justin (picz later).

We're (me, val, marylaine and chysa) also working on a huge bio project (#3). My biology teacher is a total cunt. I sound snobby and bratty saying it, but whatever, it's true.
But it seems fun (besides all the stress x__x).
My braces are nearly coming off (#4), but I have to wear horrible elastic's. If I fuck up there staying on longer.

I have this "denkkronkel" (translation: thinking defect), with which I have struggled for years now. I'm going to a psychologist to teach myself a less destructive manner of thinking (#5). This is also very serious and will probably influence the rest of my life.

This year for school we have to do this whole running + swimming course (aquatlon). I am "pudgy" (a.k.a. fat) and have a crappy condition, so I need to train for that (#6). I've trained once with friends after school but they're not very constant and they whine a lot (girls, you know). They called last week of -__-" I also go to hockey every saturday, but that's not very constant either. I need to practice my swimming more. I really want to weight 50 kg (I'm 1.58 m, so it's deff not underweight). I eat pretty healthy most days. Every morning I have a spinach smoothie (without the basil). And I only eat soups and vegetables for my lunchtime dinner and bread in the evening if it's a heavy day and fruitfor supper. Idek how I'm still this pudgy. Did I mention I drink more then 6 liters of water a day (not even normal, but I'm really thirsty most of the time)

Piano lessons are every Friday (#7), right after school. I have it with Val now, so that rocks. And my group is pretty cool. My keyboard is in my room now, so I feel like we're closer. I still don't always find time (and motivation) to practice enough. I forgive myself for this half year. I can't do everything at once.

In the summer vacay me and Huimin and Xian are going to Holland and we need to plan a lot for that. Oesh (#8).

Other then that, I'm still a social retard in my class and at school (ugh it's horrible). But whatevs, don't even have time to care lol.

What a self obsessed post.

I'm sorry.

I'm really busy.

I love you, okay?

Okay.

Write me soon babe

xxxx

(idk ok)

nao i go do bio x__x

winter 2012

I spent christmas in berlin. It was lovely. I big dirty city where so much inspirational people live. In every corner there is beauty. I spent new years eve in voorhout (holland) with my great aunt, Esther. It was nice too. Esther is a darling.

School is heavy. Exams were right after christmas break. I dropped french. Super sad, but I really need to focus on Chemistry. I think I've been acting a bit more positive lately. Thinking at least. It's nice, thinking negative is really draining. I'm seeing a psychiatrist. She says I taught myself a manner of think negatively about everything. She's going to help me teach myself a positive way of thinking. Great right?

I also started an art school course. So far it's really great and I really like a lot of people. I noticed I get rather lazy a lot. I will do my best more in the next classes. I'm determined to make a future in art.

SO what up you guiz? what's the 411? How ya doing?
Tell me about all your boy problems.

mediocre

Cell phone pictures and doodles.

enough

The last month I have had some enlightenment on my "friendships". People I assumed were my friends, even if we weren't super close, have appeared to be different then I first thought.
Ok, so I'm pretty weird and I worry a lot about having friends and not having friends and I really do my best to get people to like me. It's kind of pathetic. But I have the feeling I'm getting less and less pathetic. I care less I think. Some people don't like me. Big deal. Others do. So everything will be alright (I keep trying to convince myself).

In October I had a clash with people I used to call friends. I ended up losing a hand full of friends. No, not friends, fake friends. I'm actually glad this happened. I am really fond of the idea of truth. I want truth in my friendships. If you don't mean it gtfo. Ok, goodbye gossip asses. Idec.

Friday I hung out with another friend of mine "J". We go back pretty far (for me then, I can't seem to keep friends for long). But I feel very disappointed in her. As we went along talking and walking about I got the impression she is scared. Scared doing something new, scared of being different. I don't really want to hang out with some one like that. I'm also glad I found this out now.

It's like I like losing friends :s

No. I don't. But I like my friendships to be real. I can count the people I trust on one hand (Huimin, Xian, Valerie, Chris, Zak). I'm not saying these friendships are perfect, but they are worth it. Quality over quantity. Fuck popularity.