enough

The last month I have had some enlightenment on my "friendships". People I assumed were my friends, even if we weren't super close, have appeared to be different then I first thought.
Ok, so I'm pretty weird and I worry a lot about having friends and not having friends and I really do my best to get people to like me. It's kind of pathetic. But I have the feeling I'm getting less and less pathetic. I care less I think. Some people don't like me. Big deal. Others do. So everything will be alright (I keep trying to convince myself).

In October I had a clash with people I used to call friends. I ended up losing a hand full of friends. No, not friends, fake friends. I'm actually glad this happened. I am really fond of the idea of truth. I want truth in my friendships. If you don't mean it gtfo. Ok, goodbye gossip asses. Idec.

Friday I hung out with another friend of mine "J". We go back pretty far (for me then, I can't seem to keep friends for long). But I feel very disappointed in her. As we went along talking and walking about I got the impression she is scared. Scared doing something new, scared of being different. I don't really want to hang out with some one like that. I'm also glad I found this out now.

It's like I like losing friends :s

No. I don't. But I like my friendships to be real. I can count the people I trust on one hand (Huimin, Xian, Valerie, Chris, Zak). I'm not saying these friendships are perfect, but they are worth it. Quality over quantity. Fuck popularity.   

self portraits

Thursday I helped Huimin and Xian with filming a short movie for school. It takes forever for everything and everyone to get ready. It's pretty fun for me, I get to chat with everyone and I'm not to stressed (probably because I'm not the one getting graded here) and I get to soak up the ambiance of a "movie set". Huimin and Xian look adorable in their dresses and their other actress out fits. Jingling bought me some cookies (she is such a darling <3) and I shared them with Huimin. They where the best cookies I ever had in my life, because I shared them with Huimin. I feel really close to Huimin sometimes. It's a lovely feeling.

no one understand

our old cat

my 14th birthday invitations (sad story ;c)

Hey guiz. Turns out I didn't make my exams too bad. I'm actually pretty pleased with my grades. Other issues have taken over the spotlight. I don't talk with my mom anymore. I actually don't mind, but she seems crabby about it. She doesn't understand me anyways. UGH. Parents. ~my life is so hard~ But even worse, I have been eating way to much lately. I really hate my obesity. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel gross and disgusting and like I don't deserve anything. It's horrible. And still I stuff my face with chips and cookies and shit. Now I must punish myself :c I hate my body. UGH. Why did my parents over feed me since infancyyyyyyy. UGH. UGH. UGH.


There's this boy I've been getting close to the past half year. He is by far, the nicest boy I have met. ON THE INTERNET. He could be a big phony. I sure hope not. But it's too good to be true. We consoles other in the misery of growing up (on this dreadful island). He even writes poetry. Like omgggggg. We go to the same school and I see him occasionally. But I can't seem to bring myself to fave him irl. He probably doesn't even like me. I might just be a big joke to him.

I can't really talk to my bosom friends about this kind of thing. Or even school. I mayor in science (NW) and they do in business (MM).  No offense to business mayors, but science I much more difficult. I just can't bear it when they start to complain how hard economy class is (I have this too). IT IS FUCKING CAKE COMPARED TO CHEMISTRY, OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP. It really pisses me off. I kinda got my heart broken by my bosom friends on the day of the last exam two weeks ago. So, I kind of care less. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER BOTHER TO UNDERSTAND ME. UGH. People.

autumn break

I have the feeling I have never fucked my exams up as I did last week. I was a wreck. I would just burst out into tears while studying. The sadness was triggered by my brother. He hangs out with some of my friends (waaay more then I do). And it just annoys the hell out of me. Not only that, but it constantly  makes me confront the fact that people like him better then me, or even worse, nobody cares about me. My mom says I'm being overly dramatic. I DON'T KNOW. But I'm being a wreck and complaining to guys on fb chat. Ugh, my life.

my brother

me (starfish)

how emo

drew this when I finished early with my last exam

Last year autumn break was great, cause I got to hang out a whole lot with Chris, but this year it has been boring as fuck. But it's ok. That's how things go. People grow apart (especially after you confess about your burning love for them hahahahahrwhdjkgdh).

I did  get to help out my bosomz, Huimin and Xian with filming something for school. It was actually really fun. I just felt like the obvious 3rd wheel of us 3. And not to mention they are sooo adorable and I'm just disgusting and awkward. But I am so glad that I am friends with them and I love them to tears.