mediocre

Cell phone pictures and doodles.

enough

The last month I have had some enlightenment on my "friendships". People I assumed were my friends, even if we weren't super close, have appeared to be different then I first thought.
Ok, so I'm pretty weird and I worry a lot about having friends and not having friends and I really do my best to get people to like me. It's kind of pathetic. But I have the feeling I'm getting less and less pathetic. I care less I think. Some people don't like me. Big deal. Others do. So everything will be alright (I keep trying to convince myself).

In October I had a clash with people I used to call friends. I ended up losing a hand full of friends. No, not friends, fake friends. I'm actually glad this happened. I am really fond of the idea of truth. I want truth in my friendships. If you don't mean it gtfo. Ok, goodbye gossip asses. Idec.

Friday I hung out with another friend of mine "J". We go back pretty far (for me then, I can't seem to keep friends for long). But I feel very disappointed in her. As we went along talking and walking about I got the impression she is scared. Scared doing something new, scared of being different. I don't really want to hang out with some one like that. I'm also glad I found this out now.

It's like I like losing friends :s

No. I don't. But I like my friendships to be real. I can count the people I trust on one hand (Huimin, Xian, Valerie, Chris, Zak). I'm not saying these friendships are perfect, but they are worth it. Quality over quantity. Fuck popularity.   

lamo days

Hey guiz.
I've been absent for a while. School is suffocating me. Obvs. I'm not doing to great, but it'll get better soon. No school tomorrow, woop woop. I'm probably gonna spend my day reading "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green.  For those of you who don't know. They're two brothers and they seem geeky and goofy but they talk about existential things, science, society, politics and bunch of other intellectual things. They're really fun and help me through  my sadface times. I really like this video, I think I love existentialism. Besides reading I'm going to hang out with my friend and (hopefully) eat some good frozen yoghurt.



I really like this song. Interpol is gr8.

I watched five episodes of Say, "I Love You". It's really cute. It's technically just a high school romance anime. Popular guy fall for the shy girl. I love that crap. Wish it would happen to me T__T But I don't need no guy. ~indep fem~ But anyways, you should check it out. Only 5 ep so far, so easy to catch up.

self portraits

Thursday I helped Huimin and Xian with filming a short movie for school. It takes forever for everything and everyone to get ready. It's pretty fun for me, I get to chat with everyone and I'm not to stressed (probably because I'm not the one getting graded here) and I get to soak up the ambiance of a "movie set". Huimin and Xian look adorable in their dresses and their other actress out fits. Jingling bought me some cookies (she is such a darling <3) and I shared them with Huimin. They where the best cookies I ever had in my life, because I shared them with Huimin. I feel really close to Huimin sometimes. It's a lovely feeling.

no one understand

our old cat

my 14th birthday invitations (sad story ;c)

Hey guiz. Turns out I didn't make my exams too bad. I'm actually pretty pleased with my grades. Other issues have taken over the spotlight. I don't talk with my mom anymore. I actually don't mind, but she seems crabby about it. She doesn't understand me anyways. UGH. Parents. ~my life is so hard~ But even worse, I have been eating way to much lately. I really hate my obesity. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel gross and disgusting and like I don't deserve anything. It's horrible. And still I stuff my face with chips and cookies and shit. Now I must punish myself :c I hate my body. UGH. Why did my parents over feed me since infancyyyyyyy. UGH. UGH. UGH.


There's this boy I've been getting close to the past half year. He is by far, the nicest boy I have met. ON THE INTERNET. He could be a big phony. I sure hope not. But it's too good to be true. We consoles other in the misery of growing up (on this dreadful island). He even writes poetry. Like omgggggg. We go to the same school and I see him occasionally. But I can't seem to bring myself to fave him irl. He probably doesn't even like me. I might just be a big joke to him.

I can't really talk to my bosom friends about this kind of thing. Or even school. I mayor in science (NW) and they do in business (MM).  No offense to business mayors, but science I much more difficult. I just can't bear it when they start to complain how hard economy class is (I have this too). IT IS FUCKING CAKE COMPARED TO CHEMISTRY, OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP. It really pisses me off. I kinda got my heart broken by my bosom friends on the day of the last exam two weeks ago. So, I kind of care less. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER BOTHER TO UNDERSTAND ME. UGH. People.

autumn break

I have the feeling I have never fucked my exams up as I did last week. I was a wreck. I would just burst out into tears while studying. The sadness was triggered by my brother. He hangs out with some of my friends (waaay more then I do). And it just annoys the hell out of me. Not only that, but it constantly  makes me confront the fact that people like him better then me, or even worse, nobody cares about me. My mom says I'm being overly dramatic. I DON'T KNOW. But I'm being a wreck and complaining to guys on fb chat. Ugh, my life.

my brother

me (starfish)

how emo

drew this when I finished early with my last exam

Last year autumn break was great, cause I got to hang out a whole lot with Chris, but this year it has been boring as fuck. But it's ok. That's how things go. People grow apart (especially after you confess about your burning love for them hahahahahrwhdjkgdh).

I did  get to help out my bosomz, Huimin and Xian with filming something for school. It was actually really fun. I just felt like the obvious 3rd wheel of us 3. And not to mention they are sooo adorable and I'm just disgusting and awkward. But I am so glad that I am friends with them and I love them to tears.

I should be studying

"The best thing, though, in that museum was that everything always stayed right where it was. Nobody'd move. You could go there a hundred thousand times, and that Eskimo would still be just finished catching those two fish, the birds would still be on their way south, the deers would still be drinking out of that water hole […]. Nobody'd be different. The only thing that would be different would be you. Not that you'd be so much older or anything. It wouldn't be that exactly. You'd just be different, that's all. You'd have an overcoat on this time. Or that kid that was your partner in line last time had got scarlet fever and you'd have a new partner. Or you'd have a substitute taking the class, instead of Miss Aigletinger. Or you'd heard your mother and father having a terrific fight in the bathroom. Or you'd just passed by one of those puddles in the street with gasoline rainbows in them. I mean you'd be different in some way – I can't explain what I mean. And even if I could, I'm not sure I'd feel like it."
 ~Holden Caulfield

a drawing I made in the summer at Jesper's house

When I was 4 and Princess Diaries came out, I wanted to be Mia. I didn't realize that she was being portrayed as unglamorous. To me Mia seemed like the most glamorous being in the world. She was a teenager for chrissake! Boy was I wrong about teenagers. My teenage years didn't turn out the way I expected them to when I was 4.

Right now I'm having exams at school and I should be studying Chem. But instead I'm blogging. So easily tempted. I also at a load of chips and pizza today after eating healthy all week. UGH LAURA.

Ever since I read "The Catcher in the Rye" last summer, I have felt sentimental towards gasoline puddles. I really really really liked the book. I didn't relate to Holdens thought of action, but I could understand it. He reminded me of myself (how I feel on the inside) but also my brother (the stupid shit he does) and some other teens I know. I kind of want to marry Holden. And Michael Moscovitz (Robert Schwartsman in Princess Diaries).

sarcastic bitch introduction

This is my first blog post on ~melancholicteen~. I am Laura: a teenager who is melancholic. I used to have a hosted blog named "vampire vomit", but this guy I was in a "relationship" with for two weeks read that and that made everything super awkward. Oh plus I confessed about being in love with this guy and he read that and he never talked to me again. I don't really mind thought. He just made me feel caged whenever I tried to post anything. Like he was always watching me. I don't feel the need to be friends with him, but I hope he's alright in life thought. I can be such a bitch sometime.

I would make a fashion blog if I wheren't so fat. But then again, the internet has enough of those. We can't all be Tavi Gevenson. Btw, we have the same birthday (me and tavs). Actually, you can be Tavi Gevenson if you want to. But I don't. I want to be myself. Because I'm just so fucking cool.

I would post poetry, but I want to print and publish/sell a zine first so I can mark my territory. I mean, my poems are so great, everyone will want to steal them. I'm kind of a sarcastic bitch if you hadn't noticed. I also specialize in being jealous. And self loathing. CHyea, this is going to be such a fun blog.



I dance to this at 4 amz

september 2011

drew this for chris' bday